|
Jack
David
Laura
Doyle
Mary
Grace
Jennifer
anonym
home
| |
BETTER THAN EATING THE EVIDENCE...
Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is
wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally
conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion
sense."
"Hey Joe, he yells out - I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal out of it,...it's only an earring." Says Joe
sheepishly.
"No really," probes Morris, "How long have you been wearing
one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in our bed."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thought for the day--
An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is
nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sick at Church
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling
ill.
"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and
throw up behind a bush."
After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" Mom asked.
"Yes."
"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and
returned so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barbie
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
"How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.
In a condescending manner she responds, "Which Barbie?
We have ...
- Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95
- Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95
- Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95
- Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95
- Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95
- and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only
$19.95?"
"That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with
Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat,
Ken's furniture..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No Room at the Inn
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room
somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force
guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell
you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the
past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was
impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,"
the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and
said, 'Goodnight beautiful,'
...and he sat up all night watching me."
___________________________________________________________
Valentines Day
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that
you gave me a pearl necklace
for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it
- to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|